was better than last year.

then again, had we an F5 tornado, it would still have been better.

major events of the night

alexander got really, really, sick (which was BAD. really bad.)
ivy got queen! brandon got king!
i had a date
my date nearly killed me in his el camino.
i danced
the music died
i got asked to prom.

as you can see, axel getting sick was the bad part of the night. the worse part is- it’s still attacking him, whatever it is, and i’ve never been so worried for another human being in my life. he’s the closest thing i have to a best friend (not counting liv, who’s somehow different).

and… i hate that he’s sick. it’s not just that i hate seeing him in pain. i hate that he has to hurt. i hate that the doctors are too fucking stupid to know what’s wrong… i hate the concept that this sickness might follow him for the rest of his life. it’s bad, he’s been to the hospital (three?) times for it.

he’s one of the constants in my life. he’s my guardsman. he’s important to so many people. this sickness shouldn’t happen to somebody that has such a positive influence on so many people. i’ve been kind of negative lately- we’ve drifted, and i miss him, but it doesn’t matter. i don’t want to lose him. he shouldn’t be the one that’s sick, it should be somebody like me.

anyway, i’m about to get depressive over this again, so i’m going to segue into what happened the rest of the night. after axel got ambulanced and rachel and nick and renny left to go to the hospital with him, i wandered around kind of useless before dragging kameron in and looking for david (who i asked in algebra on friday.) i wanted to go to the hospital but i figured there were going to be several people there waiting for him already and i didn’t want to be in the way, a bother. (yes, rachel, if you’re reading this, i lied about my mom. though she probably woulda said no, anyway. this way if you read this it’s sheer dumb luck and i don’t feel bad!) anyway, i tried to deal with kam’s date (who was being witchy and mad because he’d been outside looking over axel). it didn’t work.

so then ivy essentially dragged me out and demanded i had fun (not quite like that, but she did, and i’m so glad she was there.) her and jimmy and i and david and occasionally, renaa, danced. ivy’s got her mama’s dancing skillz. then the music fucked up so we gave it up and went to chili’s. david took me, in his el camino, hence the near-death, but the near-death was rae fun so i’m not angry. his camino is a p.o.s…

we made it to chili’s in one piece, despite david showing off for the gringos in the red truck and gunning his engine, causing the el camino to jump inexplicably into their lane.

then we hung out outside where kam met us (after dropping his date off) and brandon, ashley, adam, candi, jaren, ivy, and her david were also there. kameron offered to take me home when i told david mi madre would kill me if she saw his car. worked out for the best because he didn’t have gas money. so kameron asked me to prom, which is nice. then when he dropped me off mi madre insisted on pictures, which was lame. it was an overall good night. had fun, overall.

will edit this post for neatness later.

es frio!

and i was all class a’d up so i could meet southwest representatives && direct them to where they were supposed to be.

oi, vey.

if it weren’t for certain people i should quite like to die.

i am not going to competition because the information sgt provided me with was inaccurate.

big fucking surprise.

yeah right.
congratulations to martinez, hall, and mcdonald, newest leadership.

no, i do not bleed sarcasm.

oh, and g’bye mom, evan, hope you enjoy florida.

life’s /great./

today, i hauled john over my shoulders and carried him- albeit with difficulty- accross a gym.
i had to set him down, but i picked him back up and went again with slow steps.

john is a good deal taller than me, and he’s at least 50 lbs heavier than me.

:)

i carried mason too, he’s skinny as HELL and i could actually walk pretty normal with him.

it was surreal.

i am not a first sergeant but that no longer bothers me.
i have my squad, and they will learn well.
they already are.

the senior chick really isn’t all there i think, she respects me too much for a senior and she’s also just – odd- but she’s very nice and determined. contreras is my assistant squad leader, he’s a fish but he’s good enough. j.p. doesn’t care, he’s a sophomore, and i’m really bugged by him… but oh well.

they’re learning.

i want to have the most kick ace squad in rotc. so i can be like. “yep. see this? that’s right.”

so mom’s moving to florida, taking evan with her.
i’m not a first sergeant, because i missed part of summer camp- you know, i was unable to breathe, but i was willing to stay. but i was told it’d be okay if i went home.
so every-fucking-freshman that’s done something [except me] has a position.

seriously.

wally got what should have been mine.

on top of this my grandparents are all stressed and freaking, my grand-dad isn’t doing to well on the heart issue, and i’m still spending my entire day doing rotc shit for no reason.

but hey. i love the corps and sgt isn’t at fault.

fucking wally, haven’t seen his pale ass up there EVAR. he’s not even practicing.

what the fuck ever, i just wish i could have one thing- ONE EFFING THING- to make my life better. i was looking forward to rotc being enjoyable, but whatever, i’m not a first sergeant. lucky me, master sergeant.

and in case you think i’m being a whiny bitch: I HAVE THE DAMN RIGHT. i’m ALWAYS there. if anyone had been there more than me- done more than me- i wouldn’t GIVE a damn if they got my position. but for the exception of staff, there is no body. certainly not a dumbass who’s on the “ALL IMPORTANT RIFLE TEAM” and who doesn’t even go to competitions OR football games, or ceremonies.

pyro
chink
mason
brianda
victor or trimble, can’t remember which

ALL got it. they deserve it.

but waldrop doesn’t.

and if it is my grades-

ALEC IS A COMMANDER AND HE FAILED AND WAS KICKED AS A FIRST SERGEANT. CHRISTIAN’S FAILED. VICTOR HAS FAILED.

i hate that everything in my life goes wrong at once and the one thing that might make it better and might make me more motivated at school and shit is denied to me.

and honestly…

if it was something else i’d done, i wish sgt would tell me. jimmy explained it all, but i wish sgt cared efuckingnough to explain.

maybe i did something really awful and wrong and i’m being pompous and i’ve really not done anything for the corps, but i’d really like to know if i was.