if i’m willing to change…

dear you,

just for you, for this situation, if i’m willing to change an idea and belief that i’ve held for a very long time; if i’m willing to do something, be the sort of person i disapprove of-

does this make me a bad person? someone undependable, untrustworthy, fickle?

or does it make me adaptive?

do people just have to change to fit the environment? even if this change isn’t so much necessary as a definite choice? it’s a choice, i know that. i will be no less if i do not make it. but if i do make it- will i be less? i might be happier in a way- but will i still respect myself?

but if it makes things better now is it worth it?

sincerely, me

correspondence: sincerely, mr. pat ella

dear mr. t. halamus,
enclosed is a gift especially for you, courtesy of nociceptor incorporated! please enjoy your free gift!

yours truly,

misters neo and paleo spinothalamic
co-presidents
nociceptor incorporated

dear teneal,

don’t do that again. you can not possibly use me as a pivot point every time you wish to throw your uncle off your back in a wrestling match. i wish no involvement in your stupidity. to impress this lesson upon you, i slipped my mooring. while you may be all better now thanks to your uncle and his medical training, next time i might just stay off the bones i protect.

sincerely,
mr. pat ella
currently serving as your left kneecap

TO: mr. pat ella “shifty”
CC: Nociceptor Incorporated, misters neospinothalamic and paleospinothalamic,

you are members of my body.
if you wish to continue your tenure, i suggest you cease your rebellion.

pat- you’re back in place. good job. stay there. further deviation from your assigned location will result in eviction.

mr. neo- you did your job. my yells of “Oh shit!” at the time of your correspondence with a one mr. t. halamus (who currently resides in my brain) prove that. you forgot one thing- dinner and a movie. next time you wish to rape him, at least bring flowers.

mr. paleo- i have the most issues with you, as you alone have not ceased contacting me. yes, i understand that there is an issue with my knee requiring my attention. these constant reminders are doing little more than annoying me. as i stated before; you are an occupant of my body. that means you will follow my rules. you’re grounded from my nerves, mister paleospinothalamic tract. i am sending one mrs. ibu profen to handle your deviancy.

most sincerely, your mistress
teneal ann

god’s child

my space heater is god’s child.

it is warm and provides heat for my frigid, hellish room. (my room was 55 degrees pre-space heater.)

it is like a glowing light in my life that makes the world so much easier to bear.

dear space heater,

thank you, space heater. thank you.

rocky adores you too, and promises not to knock you over- but even if he did knock you over, you would fail-safe and turn yourself off- and the moment i set you upright, you’d turn on again and return to your prior task. also, you oscillate, most determinedly. that is a very good quality in a pillar shaped space heater that is not like one of the funny round ones. your temperature maintaining feature is like having big equipment! it’s all the hype- and it really IS worth what everybody says it is! but it’s not excessive. you have six buttons, two of which are up/down for temperature, one of which is a power, one is mode to switch between auto/high/low modes, and one to make you oscillate.

i do love you little space heater. i am so sorry i took so long to retrieve you. i hope your absence will not ruin this relationship- and that you will recover from my distance. texas summers are no excuse for stowing you away! but i did. i apologize.

- tenn

ltrs 2 u

Tell the People…

The People Must Know.
1). List 10 things that you want to say to people.
2). Dont say who they are.
3). Never discuss it again.

dear you,
i really love you. i think you’re the only member of my family that i do, without question, adore. sure i /love/ the rest of them, but you are my light & my shining star. without your little punk ass, i’d be lost and miserable. trust me on this one, love- i will never, ever, let you go. you are mine, forever, and that’s what you’re going to have to deal with for the rest of your life. don’t worry, my love- i will take out any threat to you, no matter who it comes from.

dear that person,
so… we’ve been through a fucking lot, haven’t we? i think i can honestly say we’ve done so much crap to eachother we have no earthly right to be friends. you may think you’ve done worse and you may say it, but i know i’ve done just as bad. i do love you though, even though our closeness varies and i can’t always tell you everything. i need to learn to stop underestimating you though, because you tend to exceed even my highest expectations. i love you. i want to make you stop hurting. i wish i could but i know i can’t, but i’ll be here for you the entire time. the only thing i would ever change about you is the fact that you still blame yourself. don’t. it was me too.

to you-
i honestly think i love you more than anybody in existence, and i can totally say this because you won’t read it. and even if you do, you probably won’t believe it’s you. you are everything to me. i care about you so much. i know you probably don’t feel the same way, and that’s okay, because i know you and how you are with people. but you have been there with me- and unlike anybody else, you understand me, and i never have to explain myself. you make me feel as though even my faults are acceptable, and your harshest words have never been cruel. if i could ever do anything for you, it would be to show you how truly wonderful and awe inspiring person you are. and you hate this kind of shit, so i better shut my fucking trap before you start to mock me.

and you as well,
what can i possibly say for you, love? i love you too. you and i have had some interesting times- and most especially lately, with how confused i’ve been, you’ve helped me. you always have a kind word and something to reassure me, and you make me so confident. you’re amazing and i wish i’d gotten to know you better before, or not let events of last year push me away from you. i’m sorry i let you drift away, i should have fought harder and been friends with your new friends but i didn’t. i’m sorry for that, and i’m so glad you never held it against me.

you deserve a mention too, love
even though we don’t talk as often as i think we should, i totally love you. i was even interested in you at one time. you are so kind, so wonderfully sweet, and you are just a generally wonderful person. even if i may say mean things about people you love, i try to curtail my words because my respect for you is so great. i really appreciate all that you do for me.

and you!
you’re a lunatic. why the fuck do you put up with me? i am so mean. i know i’m even really mean to you, when i’m not trying to be and i say something cruel i genuinely don’t mean it. if i meant it, it would be much worse. but you know that. i trust you & i love you even if i’m not in love with you, and i want you to know and believe that. you’ve always been here for me- and i will always be here for you. always being relative, of course. i genuinely hope that this always is a forever thing. i own you by the way. you and casper.

my funny one-
you’re amazing and you don’t even fucking know it. know how pissed off that makes me? but anyway, i love speaking to you & i probably should more. i know i’m not always a very attentive friend, you just need to hit me when i start being stupid. i hope things turn out well for you and him, and if they don’t i apologize so much for ever convincing you to chase him. i’ll also kill him if he hurts you, but i don’t think he will. i never could lead you into something where i thought you may be hurt. don’t ever let the world get you down, ever.

haha, you,
we’re not even really friends but you can be damn sure you get a mention. i know that you’ll totally never read this, but you… are such a total and complete ass! and yet you fought for me. i’ll never forget that. i thought you disliked me but you spoke up for me, and you tried hard. it may not have really helped- but you, my first commander, fought for me. you really didn’t hate me for betraying the team. you’re a really cool person even if you are a jerk who’s facial hair looks like pubic growth.

well, you.
you’re pretty annoying and you’re somewhat hard to talk to because our interests are so different, but you always keep trying. and i really should stop blowing you off- i don’t mean to, i just get distracted and don’t always hit ‘reply’. i miss how close we were when i was in eighth grade and you still lived here, but maybe i should try harder. i’m sorry you’ve had shit lately and i would stop it if i could, and i’m sorry i can’t come over any more. i wish you could kidnap me again.

and the last, but never the least,
i’ve never even met you, but i’ll always count you among my best friends. we met when- i think- i was twelve? it was on neopets, on a roleplay board (and taylor was there!) you’ve since been a part of my life, mostly in roleplay, but our bond doesn’t end there. i can tell you anything and i know you’ll understand. you’re older than me and so you are always encouraging when i’m in my down moods. and you will find someone to love you for who you are. i guarantee it. i’m so glad you didn’t die- you scared me SO much when you disappeared after the hurricane. i’m so glad we’re in touch now through other methods than just im, so when you get hacked i won’t lose you. i’m going to be so pissed when you leave for college. because i just got you back and then you’re going to leave again, for a lot longer.