it’s been identified

fisk’s disease. though he might have said fifth disease, but i looked up fisk’s and couldn’t find it; it led me to fifth, which doesn’t seem very rational to be it.

anyway i’m not going to call him since i hope he’s asleep.

but there’s no cure, his body will have to fight it off.

basically what i understood from axel’s explanation:

he had an allergic reaction to something. so his immune system is all RAWR I’MA TAKE YOU! and it attacks the bad thing. only it misses, and hits itself instead, multiple times. thus, axel is made sick because his body is stupid and doesn’t know the difference between friend and foe.

-sniffle- but it’s been identified, so it’s less scary.

milball

was better than last year.

then again, had we an F5 tornado, it would still have been better.

major events of the night

alexander got really, really, sick (which was BAD. really bad.)
ivy got queen! brandon got king!
i had a date
my date nearly killed me in his el camino.
i danced
the music died
i got asked to prom.

as you can see, axel getting sick was the bad part of the night. the worse part is- it’s still attacking him, whatever it is, and i’ve never been so worried for another human being in my life. he’s the closest thing i have to a best friend (not counting liv, who’s somehow different).

and… i hate that he’s sick. it’s not just that i hate seeing him in pain. i hate that he has to hurt. i hate that the doctors are too fucking stupid to know what’s wrong… i hate the concept that this sickness might follow him for the rest of his life. it’s bad, he’s been to the hospital (three?) times for it.

he’s one of the constants in my life. he’s my guardsman. he’s important to so many people. this sickness shouldn’t happen to somebody that has such a positive influence on so many people. i’ve been kind of negative lately- we’ve drifted, and i miss him, but it doesn’t matter. i don’t want to lose him. he shouldn’t be the one that’s sick, it should be somebody like me.

anyway, i’m about to get depressive over this again, so i’m going to segue into what happened the rest of the night. after axel got ambulanced and rachel and nick and renny left to go to the hospital with him, i wandered around kind of useless before dragging kameron in and looking for david (who i asked in algebra on friday.) i wanted to go to the hospital but i figured there were going to be several people there waiting for him already and i didn’t want to be in the way, a bother. (yes, rachel, if you’re reading this, i lied about my mom. though she probably woulda said no, anyway. this way if you read this it’s sheer dumb luck and i don’t feel bad!) anyway, i tried to deal with kam’s date (who was being witchy and mad because he’d been outside looking over axel). it didn’t work.

so then ivy essentially dragged me out and demanded i had fun (not quite like that, but she did, and i’m so glad she was there.) her and jimmy and i and david and occasionally, renaa, danced. ivy’s got her mama’s dancing skillz. then the music fucked up so we gave it up and went to chili’s. david took me, in his el camino, hence the near-death, but the near-death was rae fun so i’m not angry. his camino is a p.o.s…

we made it to chili’s in one piece, despite david showing off for the gringos in the red truck and gunning his engine, causing the el camino to jump inexplicably into their lane.

then we hung out outside where kam met us (after dropping his date off) and brandon, ashley, adam, candi, jaren, ivy, and her david were also there. kameron offered to take me home when i told david mi madre would kill me if she saw his car. worked out for the best because he didn’t have gas money. so kameron asked me to prom, which is nice. then when he dropped me off mi madre insisted on pictures, which was lame. it was an overall good night. had fun, overall.

will edit this post for neatness later.

help!

i’ve fallen into the nineties!

but hey, at least i got my thunderbadge.

i blame stashia and olivia the mostest for this. though alexander cannot get off scot-free. but it’s mostly stashia’s fault- she’s my dealer.

snow day epilogue

amazing.

i have an agonizing tail bone and a plethora of memories i shall detail later.

and a teddy.

that i’m off to go sleep with.

i played with rachel and alexander and jason (for a time) in the snow. then got cocoa. then went and did it again. i took my little brother. alexander gave me this amazing teddy that smells like him and is soft furry and brown. i can’t decide what to name him, though. i’m considering ’stubborn’ but that doesn’t have the right ring to it. alexander says he’s not stubborn.

memory? because i got him today and it was such a good day.

oh! ‘remembrance’ should work. there might be something better, but this is good for now. and then i may call him R.E.M. (like rapid eye movement) for short. or Remmy.

casino royale

mr. daniel craig totally fails as 007. he got better about halfway through, but he is still a disgrace to the name of bond.

‘course, i had a stellar time anyway, i went to see the movie with axel. we almost didn’t get to go ‘cos of the fucking rain but then his grandpa (who is awesome) picked me up.

kinda weird because my life has completed the cycle of friendships. when i was in seventh grade to eighth grade i had a friend named wayne who turned out to be not such a good friend, then ninth grade there was christian who also ended up not being such a good friend, and now it’s rolled around to axel.

i especially hope things don’t turn out the way they have in the past. stashia’s mentioned the biggest distinction- alexander is not an asshole. the continuity in my life astounds me. wayne IMed me after i haven’t spoken to him in forever, wishing me a merry belated christmas. fairly odd. it really doesn’t matter though, there’s nothing there anymore, he’s a past issue.

anyway i talked to alexander to five am this morning and yesterday morning (started talking about one am) and that’s pretty cool, because i really am not good on the phone.

however, i fucking missed olivia’s call, which pisses me off to no end. i hope she calls tonight (i can’t call her house because of weirdness && it’s late.)

oh & i totally re pierced my ears by myself.

dear santa [2]

dear mr. claus,

well, thanks for the night at least. that was pretty pleasant.

sincerely,
teneal ann

so yeah i went over to nick’s & renny & axel were there… so we walked up to seven-eleven & blockbuster && got bawls & monster. me & nick got the bawls, renny & axel chose monster. both are fags. /cough.

we watched alien vs. predator because they wouldn’t let us rent final destination three. it was actually quite good.

totally had a great time. bdus are amusing.

OH AND I CAN HEELY NOW. =]

soooo

my new template won’t work.
but i solved my guy problems?

but my new template won’t work.
well. one thing at a time.

[is really insanely happy, i know you can't tell]

oh and it’s winter break.

a little more later.

EDIT ONE MINUTE LATER:
okay so yeah. things are /really/ good.

eight hours a day, five days a week; my freshman year

i was reading over my past (drafted) entries.

i haven’t updated this since 2005. thankfully, i have a xanga i’ll prolly transfer posts from. but… still, so much has changed, y’know? it’s really a bit startling. i know i’ve grown physically, and i’ve learned a bit. but i read some of these entries and wonder who wrote them. my descriptions of people are off. here’s a list of some of my first impressions, and short bios of the person i know now. in short, this is tenn, a year later.

mason, the sad boy rachel hugged
the first entry about him mentions him in passing, how he gave us ADT people water at the football game. he was the sad kid at fish camp, i remember, the one who was like there, and rachel was like ‘YOU NEED A HUG!’ and so she gave him a hug. now he’s one of my friends. still don’t know him as well as i might, but hey. i could kidnap him, and he knows it. [took me no time at all to outline a way to do so, either.]

csm sunshine, who heckled me and jacob
so the first time i really talked to ‘csm sunshine’ was the game. he harrassed me and jacob then, the k-i-s-s-i-n-g thing… later that year, he helped me out with rifle and stuff. then he was no longer our csm because of ridiculous credit-transfer bullshit. but he still helped rotc. and tomorrow is the last time i will see him for a long time, because he’s shipping off. andrew was cool. i wish i could have known him better, but i’m a fish, and the fish didn’t join the notfish too often. ironically, one of the coolest memories i’ll keep of him involves him throwing me into a trashcan. multiple times.

brandon my armed commander, who also heckled me and jacob
brandon. i think out of everyone here, my opinion has changed of him the most. the initial reverence, ‘cos of his insane rifle abilities. the growing trust in him as my team commander. the sudden anger and feelings of abandonment when he just stopped talking to me after i joined color guard to help them out. the girl-like hatred of him when he broke up with jessi. the annoyance. then, again, now i respect him somewhat, and i can laugh with him, and i consider him a friend. he’s always going to be there, because he was my first real commander, and he taught me all the basics, even the fancy-march. which i had so much trouble with when i was just starting, but hell, that and the sixteen count manual are easy shit now.

jacob, the guy who was harassed with me, and who was a real pain in the ass
jacob bugged me so much in the beginning of the year. the middle of the year, and even nearer the end of the year. but the bugging got less and less. i respect him, somewhat, now. he’s still not my friend exactly, but i don’t hate him. and i also learnt that he could be effing hilarious once in a [great] while.

sergeant first class, retired, kruschke ddajj!!
so yeah. sergeant. he’s great. i remember when i called him sir and he made me push so much, and then i was like, ‘i just call everyone sir.’ and later in the year, when he was one of my teachers, but just that. and then when i started thinking of him like a surrogate dad. i trust sergeant. even if he /does/ make me push for saying sarge, but not pyro. :] and also, i remember my befuddlement at his /ddajj/ and his heart-pulling-out-stepping on manuever (something you don’t get if you don’t know him or armypeople). and i can’t wait til next year, when i can hair-ddajj him again. because despite the fact that he can have a helluva temper when stressed, he’s really an okay guy.

major crack-dealer
mygod. i hate major worse than i did at the beginning of the year. ’nuff said.

meredith, shorty who i was in awe of
We weren’t half-bad as one of our ranking officers put it- I can never remember her name, but she’s a bit short and she’s tough, so her praise was most valued. – a direct quote from my fish days, which honestly made me laugh. mer-mer is the awesome. she’s going out with andrew- they’ll prolly get married. she’s flipping cool, and i admire her more now that i know her more- but not in that annoying fishlike way. i think tahmorrow’s the last day i see her for a while, too. and for her, it will be longer, because she’s to be an officer. go mer. the lumberjack monkey-bite.

geneva, who disliked me for a bit
times have changed so much. geneva and i didn’t get along really, last year or the beginning of this one. i thought she disliked me somewhat and she probably did, especially with the shane debacle… but now, we talk daily, and i can’t wait to see her tomorrow at tae kwon do. geneva and olivia is my best friend, yannow? i can’t explain it. but geneva, aka john is always there for me, and she usually knows what’s best for me. and i needed her especially this year, and she came through. there are so many things i want to remember about her- most of them i probably won’t, but still…

olivia, the quiet sweat shop owner descendant
i became so much closer to live this year, too. she kept me from cracking up, i swear, and when i did crack up, she helped put me back together, john too. i’m a lot closer to her now, and i would do anything for her and john. live’s the rational bit of me. and when all three of us (live, john, and tenn), we are a mass of cynicalness. i haven’t spoken to her since school ended, but i know i will.

stashia, the fluffmeister
things have changed, from the way they were, from days of oreo-shit and the sound of rum. escaflowne episodes, eight discs of them. the emotional sponge doing her work. things have changed, a lot, and we’re not as close as we used to be… things will never be the FUCKING SAME between us and it pisses me off SO FUCKING MUCH but… y’know, i’m just going to have to deal with that. i don’t see a way to change it. no matter what the fuck i do, i can’t fix things, so whatever, right? she’s still my friend, and i look over entries about things we’ve done together- look at pictures, eat a piece of oreo no bake pie, and i swear i almost cry. but… people grow up. i guess. but when people grow up do they have to change so much?

christian, dell from hell
dunno. we weren’t friends at the beginning of the year. to be honest, i thought him a fair bit of an asshole. then he tried to /deathglare/ me, and i responded with an even stare back. and after that, we became good friends. best friends. we talked nightly, and we texted eachother, and we xanga’d. i intro’d him to stashia. he’s dating her. we’re not so close as we used to be- some fights. he’s still my friend, though. but things aren’t the same, and i’m going to have to get used to the fact that they aren’t going back. he doesn’t like ROTC anymore, and ROTC is the corner stone of my life. sometimes, i think that’s the source of our problems.

travis a.ka. pyro, the manwhore
he’s still a manwhore. :] but now he’s also my right guard, and him and i have got this crazy, wonderfully awesome mistake thing. when one of us fucks up- even badly- during a color guard, half the time we fuck up together. and it’s nice, yannow? having someone to mess up with, and take the blame with, and then harass david with.

rachel, death on the doorstep, ray-ray.
so we weren’t close, then we were closer, then we weren’t so close, now we’re closer again. i kidnapped her and we went to the ditch and we caught bellpepper and we saw sperm. fish, of course. and she’s my ray-ray, always. the theatre people stole her away from us, but hey, she’s still MY ray-ray. we built dain bramage together. we sat on a creek bank upside down together. we took off her pants in the park and left them in a tree. (her pantlegs, that is.)

katekate, the chick on armed with me
kate and i are sperm. we will always be sperm. kate stuck by me when i needed her. we stayed in a room in san antonio together. she’s an armed chick like me, and like jordan. kate-kate & tenn-tenn. friends forever. (/cut to scene of skipping through flowers and reunion music.) you won’t get the aforewritten, because you’re not kate. deal with it.

and if i forgot you, i didn’t. i just didn’t see something about you in my earlier entries so didn’t think to write something. if you feel forgotten, leave a comment or call me or e-mail me. and if i haven’t spoken to you, do call me. i miss people.

my freshman year wasn’t fantastic, but i wouldn’t trade it for anything. everything this year has changed. it will probably change next year, too. people i barely knew i now wouldn’t trade for the world. people i really knew i barely know anymore, but still wouldn’t trade for the world. this year ended leaving me with an odd taste in my mouth. the bitterness of tears, but the sweet taste of friendship.

yeah, i did get that saccharine. please don’t throw up on my site.

fifteen days later- a summary

date: 9.25.2005
title: fifteen days later
subject: homecoming, shopping, tag, dancing

Anyway. I know. I haven’t updated.
I really haven’t got an excuse, so I won’t try. Let’s just say I’ve been busy, and truly American- meaning I’ve been lazy, o’course. So, recent events in a compact little container devised for your in(di?)gestion-

shop ’til you drop
So all this week I’ve been pretty rushed if I do say so myself. And indeed- I /do/. Wednesday I went to get a dress for the dance, and it is an experience I do not wish to repeat. Mother and Grandmother are insane, forcing me to try on dresses I highly dislike, and in the hundred- dollar range. I tried on about ten I detested, they said looked oh-so-wonderful on me, then went to Gadzooks hours later, got a top (costing $10.80) and went back to Hot Topic and purchased a layered skirt ($34.60). How easy that is.

On Thursday, after grueling Phys. Training, I got a pair of high-heels and some leggings (which I never ended up wearing.) Again, my mom made me try on shoes I despised, and were from Nordstrom’s- therefore were all highly expensive. 100 dollar range. She was all “Oh, you have to pay good money for shoes.” Bullocks. Went to Foley’s, paid $32.00 for a pair of modest heels. Was still too much, but my mom is whack. So my entire outfit cost less than $100.00, and had I left it up to my parents, it would have cost twice that.

A frugal teenager is apparently not an oxymoron.

there’s a gap in my memory!
I think I did something Monday. But I cannot remember what… I did start dry-firing in ROTC though, which means practicing steadying the air rifle and firing with a charge of gas, but no pellet. Then Tuesday I began shooting for real, at a tiny target ten meters (roughly 30 feet) away. I sucked. On Wednesday, I read and ignored the IDIOTIC ‘Getting A’s in High School’ video that the Major put on for us. He’s Puerto Rican, I’ve mentioned that, and he’s got this inspire-you thing going on, and he’s one of the worst… because he really doesn’t notice that we teenagers don’t care. Thursday, I finally figured it out.

I switched arms with the rifle, and it was sudden magic. Magic. I was doing extremely well- crazy well. I did my ten shot exercise, all but one made it on the black target, which is roughly the size of a silver dollar. Two near bullseyes.

Woah.

Dirty Dancing – or, how I played with fire (a.k.a. pyro)
So I went ’stag’- single- to the dance, and it took me a while to break loose. My hair was down in a ‘cascade of ringlets’ (read: pain in the ass down to my lower back), I wore my modest 1.5 inch strappy heels, had my skirt & blouse combo on, as well as hosiery. No one else was wearing hosiery- so I skipped off to the bathroom very carefully due to the whacko heels, and took them off. Looked fine without them- a lot better, actually. Had on some lipstick, that was all. My mom did eyeliner but it looked like hell, she did half the upper lid and made it all cat’s eye ish. Which works on older people, not a fourteen-year-old masculine chick. I mean, I don’t look masculine- but I behave very much so.

So I met Stash, who wore an awesome black & pink salsa looking dress, Rachel who wore a black dress (I think the corset one would’ve been better) etc. Got compliments, blushed properly and complimented back, scared the hell out of various ROTC guys. All they know of me is the chick in guys baggy jeans and black tee-shirts standing at attention emotionlessly, with hair done up tightly. So when I was in a dress, laughing and joking and keeping my balance gracefully in high heels, it would have been as scary as me finding them in a dress.

Bought my $5.00 ticket, went inside, took a while to warm up- laughed while Stashia and Rachel cut loose. Then joined them, cutting loose with my crappy rythym and really didn’t care that I sucked.

There was a false cityscape blocking the windows, made out of blackened cardboard. Laaame. And there were pillars around a pathway- so that people could walk down the redcarpeted steps spotlighted with their names announced. Boring, really.

Danced for a while, always with moi girlfriends- but I hadn’t really started when Joel asked me to dance. I said no, since I hadn’t gotten into it yet. He was Rachel’s date, and it was rather sweet, in an antifreeze sort of way. One of the last dances, Rachel was with him her head resting on his shoulder, slowly swaying.

Moi: It’s so sweet.
Stashia: Yeah… makes me want to cut.
Moi: I know.

xD So it was really a double-edged blade. The fast songs were fun, the slow dances moderately upsetting.

Then Stash left to go do something.
I’m guarding her drink and watching the dance, people jiving, and enjoying my rest. Standing.

Next thing I know, Pyro has his arms around me and is quite unabashedly dirty dancing, as do most of the guys. It was bloody hilarious, and what did I do? Play along, of course. edit a year later: I WAS SUCH A PRUDE!! this post makes me feel really lame but i’m going to leave it. not even change dirty dancing to grinding, which sounds less lame.

Ahahahahaaa. Later on he asked me to a slow dance- nothing important, mind, because he’d danced with all the ROTC people. (As he put it- all the girls, and some of the guys, haha.) So our dance was cut short by some bull going on, I never really found out. Kevin Arguello seemed to be lurking the entire time, dancing some. Music was decent- a D.J, not a band. We did the Macarena and we got FUNKY! Yes, that’s a dance by… Someone. edit: it damn well is important now!

Some black dude, rather good looking, started dancing to various songs- really, really well. He was Michael Jackson incarnate, this time staying black- a good thing, I say. A good thing. He did the Moonwalk and various other things, and we encircled him and cheered. He danced several times that night, angering many males I’m sure, as their women flocked to watch him.

A couple of girls macked- full on tongue kissing. Equal opportunity lovers, and it pleased the males. Sarah Hagen was shocked and disgusted- she’s not a homophobe, she claims, but a lesbophobe. Harbors some crazy fear that they’re going to go after her, she admitted.

All in all, it was an awesome night. Wesley seemed upset- I think Kristen was being her bitchy self, and Stash tried to get him to dance but he refused. Stash danced once with Joel, though mostly she flew solo like me.

Quoth Stashia, beginning of the dance:

And these are the memories we should have our entire life. That sucks.

Initially, I agreed. No longer. It was fun. Not extremely fantastic- but nice.