an agnostic, i do not celebrate easter.
however. i am an agnostic in a christian household. a very christian household.
and as an agnostic teenager in a christian household, i and my friends are the only ones to know that i do not believe in the christian god… actually, that’s a lie. almost everybody i know who has spared more than a few moments to get to know me knows that i’m agnostic. (or atheist, i’ve never actually broached the subject with some people.) my sergeant knows- my stepdad knows- everybody, it seems, except my family.
which makes pretending to celebrate easter an absolute pain in the ass. i mean, it’s nice to know my family believes, and i absolutely love the fact that my brother is christian. i’m cool with christianity, it’s just not for me.
then again, with people like brandon and mr. wag talking to me in their gentle way, it’s not so hard to consider going to church again. as i told brandon today, i have moral issues against the christian god.
you heard it right. conflict of morals. i don’t believe in god simply because not everybody is offered the same opportunity to believe in god as i was. the idea that EVERYBODY has a single chance at knowing god might be true. but if they’ve been raised, say, as an animist- or anything else not ‘right’, then they’re screwed. you can’t change a lifetime of learning with one sermon. and people that are predisposed to not believe should not be condemned to hell. according to the bible as it’s been presented to me, they are.
so i’m an agnostic pretending to be christian, and smiling at the prayers and subtly trying to avoid going to church, and its wearing on me. but i can’t confess, because then very earthly punishments would meet me. i want to retain my freedom, so if pretending to believe in christ keeps me from being forced to church and salvation, then that’s what i’ll do.
and in the meantime, i’ll nibble my chocolate cross and wonder who in their right mind would create something that seems sacrilegious even to my heathen self.
Tenn,
Very insightful post! It sounds like you’re in a tough situation.
I must admit, one of the biggest problems with mainstream Christianity as I see it is the universal damnation of everyone who has never heard the Gospel. It’s harsh–why would God, “who so loved the world”, do such a thing?
Here’s my two cents: He doesn’t.
I’m a Latter-day Saint–Mormon, if you will–and as such I have deviant beliefs from most Christians. (I do, however, consider myself Christian.)
I like to look at the situation as analogous to the Schroedinger’s Cat dilemma: How can someone who has never even heard of Jesus Christ consider themselves a believer? Can you consider them a nonbeliever? I don’t think the label of believer/nonbeliever can be applied until they have been given a chance to believe. They are really in an indeterminable state.
My faith teaches that those who die without the chance to believe in Christ’s Gospel are taught about it in the hereafter, prior to the resurrection. This way, everybody gets a chance at salvation, even if earthly circumstances stifle their learning.
It gets deeper than that, but I’m going to leave it as is for the time being. (Feel free to let me know if you’re interested in hearing what else there is to it.)
You said, “you can’t change a lifetime of learning with one sermon.” I loved that. You’re very sensible, smart, and open-minded, Tenn.
I’m truly sorry for the position you’re in. It’s unfortunate that you are unable to express your beliefs in your family. I would hope that, if your family does find out about your agnosticism, they would meet you with understanding and love.
“i’ll nibble my chocolate cross and wonder who in their right mind would create something that seems sacrilegious even to my heathen self.” ;) Brilliant. They actually make those? Yecch. As if eating a chocolate bunny wasn’t disturbing enough…
Ian